I Worry
I know that God is good. I know all things will work out. I know that I'm supposed to have peace and that bogging my mind down with depressing things that I can't personally change is not only a waste of my time but drags me down and keeps me from being the woman God wants me to be - that discourse said...
I worry about street kids. I'm not talking about the grimy teenagers living under the Burnside Bridge who get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich once a year from the Metro Youth Group (although i worry about them too) - I'm talking about the street kids who spend their whole little lives striving to find any change on the street so they can sniff glue - the ones who travel in packs and take shifts at night watching over each other for when policemen come by to kill them in their sleep. (anyone who wants to feel shock at the world please rent Bus 174)
I worry about my ability to become desensitized - not just in relationship to street kids, but about everything. For example: Every day my grandmother mentions how her back and her hands hurt.... she mentions it several times. Now, despite the fact that I absolutely hate repetitiousness in stories and anecdotes I DO understand that her hands are not going to get better - I know that they hurt every day and I know that must be very hard for her to live with/deal with. However, on most days I don't care. I absolutely don't care that she's in pain and the only time I do care is when she won't stop talking about it because it inconveniences me..... I WANT TO STILL CARE! The worst part is that I can't stand when people do the same thing to me - "I'm sorry you're tired hearing about how much my job is killing my spirit but I still work there!"
I worry about the ozone layer. I want to know how they make gas from corn and I am angry that the car companies can supress the electric car because it will put them out of buisiness.
Today there was a news story on Britney Spears's thoughts on the possibility of time travel - Yes. Yes, there was.
3 Comments:
did you take part in the invisible children stuff that happened in town a few months ago?
i like this post, it is exactly how i have been feeling lately, in so many ways. And while I care, I allow myself to be paralyzed by the grandeur (that might be the first time i have ever used that word with out singing it in an old church hymn) of the problem. I can't seem to actually do anything about anything because the greatness of what needs to be done is too much, and my small effort is so small. Its hard to stop looking at the problem, and focus on what needs to be done, because the problem will always be there, so it seems impossible that what needs to be done will actually do anything. I dont know if that makes sense, but there are so many things i want to do in this world, but i often cant see past myself to do anything about it. that includes finding a new job that might not crush my spirit as this one does.
I so totally feel like i wrote that post. so wierd.
Lisa - i so appreciate you saying that. It's so very easy to fool yourself into thinking that the things you're dealing with are just happening to you... basically the teenage mentality syndrome. The difficulty is that I've done some very big things in my life and i still feel like i can't make any large changes - I CAN'T MOVE PAST MYSELF EITHER! I need to start looking for a new job....
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