Saturday, December 09, 2006

I am a fraud... *repeat* FRAUD!!!

As most of you will probably know, I am a sucker for Christmas; the season for me begins at the beginning of August and will not abate until the end of January. For those of you who drive past the aggressive carolers in early November, I'm sure that I've felt the sting of your empty pop can as you have lobed it into the back of my head from your moving vehicle. I start listening to Xmas music around the beginning of October, drink my favorite spiced tea on each one of the festive days, and secretly hope that Mrs. Claus will quite soon kick the bucket and open auditions will be held for her replacement... I would SO marry Santa.

It is with this penchant that I must make the following confession:

This year is my first year on my own, and I must clarify this to say that I have been with roommates in the past, but this is my first year with my own home and by myself where all of the Christmastical duties fall upon me. This being said I did enlist the help of an outdoorsy friend to help me go and cut my 'First On My Own Tree'. My tree was far from perfect, but the kind of far from perfect that exemplifies the joy that is Christmas... completely perfect on one side and totally 100% flat on the other which made him (the tree of course) perfect for my little apartment.

Here's the confession part. I killed him. I didn't know. It wasn't intentional. I killed him!!! I knew that I was supposed to water him, and there was water in him even when I had to take him down, but apparently there was far less water than he needed. I killed my 'First On My Own Tree'. :( When I finally removed him from the apartment every single one of his needles fell onto my floor and despite numerous vacuumings still they manage to remind me of my Xmas shortcomings by sticking to my socks every day... I killed him.

Well, I can't change the past and there was a bright spot in that near future... I went and purchased a new tree, this time from a stand in a parking lot, assuring myself that it would be ok because I was supporting the boy scouts at the same time. When I arrived a very slight and small boy of 8 approached in his little tobogan hat and asked if I knew what kind of tree I was looking for. I was feeling sensitive to this small boy and said that I wanted a cute tree and asked if he had any of those. Without any kind of blink or any kind of snobbery that I answered him like a little kid, the born salesman, said, "Yeah, we got lots of those... now does cute mean slender and layers, or tall and bushy? Now, have you given any thought as to what species of tree you were looking for? I'm partial to the nobles myself..."

Needless to say, I am now the proud waterer of my 'Second On My Own Tree' and gave a damn good tip above the asking price for it. I did cry a little for my first tree, but I think I am healing from my personal failure more and more every day. MERRY THANKWEENIKAS!!!!


(I was going to post pictures of the 'First On My Own Tree' with a before death and after death, but the picture tool is broken... to be added later)

10 Comments:

At 12:59 PM, Blogger James T Wood said...

Don't worry about it. I'm sure that a lot people have killed their first tree. I once killed a fake tree (don't ask). That's how you learn about trees. Santa probably killed his first tree.

 
At 3:58 PM, Blogger Niki said...

Sorry to hear about your tree... I'm sure it wasn't your fault... it might have just been sick before you cut it down. Now that I read that sentence again it doesn't sound very encouraging... I hope your second tree stays healthy and provides the Christmas cheer I know you cherrish so much!

 
At 10:15 PM, Blogger breanna said...

it's better to have loved and lost #1 than never to have loved him. he's in a better place...the northwest corner of heaven even :)

 
At 5:48 AM, Blogger Amanda said...

I know I know..... there's just the principle of the thing guys!

I AM A MURDERER!

 
At 6:59 PM, Blogger Su said...

Hello Amanda! So sorry about your tree, I hope number 2 lasted through the holidays!

 
At 10:08 AM, Blogger La Pistolera said...

Amanda this is Belinda. Found your blog throught Su. I have been wondering where you got off to. Up until this year Socorro put up the tree you made for her. Did you kow that Lulu died last year? Blessings, lapistolera1

 
At 3:52 PM, Blogger Dupa Jasia said...

Hotchkiss--may affect--a viagra compromise.. Jis' take th' Jonesville amoxicillin Banner an' th' Uticky Clarion along with ye.. The latter, however, could be traced by means of the repression to an obscure obviously sexual desire, which had oxycodone found its satisfying expression in the visual content of the dream...

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

At least the tree died in its sleep, a death by accidental fire is much worse.

 
At 7:49 PM, Blogger alex said...

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At 10:22 PM, Blogger Unknown said...

Is this the Amanda from Sisters, OR? Mike and Dana's daughter? I am Sheena Shuck and would love to get in touch with you! My e-mail is sheena_lynnell@yahoo.com

 

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